Let down again

If everything had gone to plan, I would be writing this from the comfort of my room in a care home while experiencing respite care. Like most things, it didn't go to plan and today nearly ended in disaster. I called my nurse this morning to find out what time she would be taking me over to the care home and she told me that, once again, the bed wasn't available as someone else needed it for another week. At the time, I got very angry and felt like giving up, I felt that I had been sidelined and no-one realised that my difficulties were serious. She wanted me to come in for a meeting to discuss other ways of supporting me but all I wanted to do was shut the door on the world forever. Fortunately, my friend had already arranged to come over and she dealt with the problem by telling me she would call my nurse to make arrangements and she would take me to the meeting. She also decided to take me back to her place in the meantime so that I could have a proper meal and could be away from my flat while I was feeling extra vulnerable.

I don't know what I'd do without my friend as she managed to sort everything out for me including collecting my medication and getting me some milk and bread as I didn't have any because I thought I wouldn't be at home for several days. She seems to know exactly what to say and do with me especially when my illness kicks in and I get tired, confused or difficult.

From what I can remember of the meeting this afternoon, I am going to be looked after by the Home Treatment Team which takes the pressure off my friend who has been doing an incredible amount of work looking after me over the past two weeks. As far as I'm aware, this means that there will be nurses visiting me at home to help me through this patch. I know I was given a lot more information than this, but it's difficult to remember what I did an hour ago never mind long conversations that happened in a meeting several hours ago.

I suppose part of me is glad that I'm still at home even though I was looking forward to a bit of TLC away from home. At least I've still got my Sky telly, I know I can smoke anywhere in my home and I don't have to face the anxieties of somewhere new. I just have to get used to the idea of strangers (although I apparently know several of the Home Treatment Team from before) coming into my home and having a say in what I do.

At least the day ended better than it started and even though I feel very exhausted, it's a good feeling and I'm unusually calm. Let's hope it's not the calm before the storm.