Lots happening

Yet another massive gap between posts. Gues committment isn't one of my strong points! At the end of next week I'm being discharged from the recovery service I've been a member of for the past two years. For those of us that have to leave, it really doesn't feel like two years (probably because most of the first year was being run as a pilot and there weren't many groups to attend). As part of the leaving process, we had to complete our WRAP (Wellness, Recovery Action Plan) plans - a rather lengthy and sometimes unpleasant task. A couple of months ago, I had to write out my weekly timetable for life post-discharge and mine was extremely minimal as I have almost no social contact with people. My nurse suggested some activities or exercise as it would help with both my diabetes and mental health. I was not keen on this so suggested shooting or archery as I was convinced she would say no because of my history. I was therefore rather surprised when she was okay about archery (shooting was a definite no for me).

Impulsivity can be a good thing sometimes and by the following Friday I'd received an email from a local club telling me that their next beginners' course was starting on Monday. Over the weekend, I kept trying to make up my mind and worrying about all the negatives - would my mental health be a problem, if they used chestguards, would they have one that fitted me (I have a serious weight problem), would I have the strength and energy to last each session? Monday rolled around and I went to my normal groups to try and distract myself as I was feeling very anxious about trying something new with people who knew nothing about me.

The time to go to my first lesson rolled around (I'd already been sitting in the car park for at least 15 minutes deciding whether to stay or run home). As I made my way over to the small group waiting by the archery shed, I could feel all the major anxiety symptoms and I really, really wanted to run away. Unfortunately, I'd made the mistake of telling quite a few people that I was going to do this and I hated the idea of going back to them and saying I'd failed because I was too anxious so I took a deep breath and went for it.

The course was ideal for someone like me as the six sessions were all in the space of one week. By the second day, I knew I was going to carry on with it. Not only was I one of the star pupils, I found I had to quieten my mind and concentrate in order to remember all the positions. While it was fairly strenuous, it wasn't beyond my limits and I was able to work at my own pace - not exactly what I thought sport was about.

The day after I passed the course, I was down my local archery shop buying my first bow and I joined the club on the next club night. As an adult member, I'm allowed to shoot whenever I want (there is at least 1 target up all through the year) and, apart from club sessions, I'm usually on my own on the field. So far, it's been really useful, especially on days when I'm feeling stressed, low or have difficulty quieting my head. There've been times when I've gone down there after a particularly difficult group that has left me feeling angry or aggressive and after only half an hour of shooting I'm much more relaxed. As there's a certain amount of walking involved, I've also lost a bit of weight which was an unexpected but pleasant side effect.

I guess I'm really glad that I stepped up to this challenge especially as no-one at the club knows about my mental health issues. Now I've got somewhere where I don't have a huge label sticking out of my head and people don't keep watching me if I'm having a not so good day. There are still plenty of challenges, particularly when people ask the dreaded "what do you do?" question but I'm learning to deal with these. Best of all, I can't wait to see the look on my psychiatrist's face when I tell her what I'm doing!