Stigma and work

Today is World Mental Health Day and it got me thinking about mental illness and work, in particular, people's attitudes towards the mentally ill in the workplace. When I had my major breakdown, it was triggered by an incident at work. My view of it was that everyone was supporting the people making allegations against me and there wasn't a single person who was prepared to take my side or at least accept that my version of events was reasonable and true. At my lowest point, I remember sitting in a corner of the office trying to stuff envelopes while sobbing my heart out. I would have expected any normal person to express sympathy that I was upset and maybe say some words of encouragement but I was ignored.

Once I started my long period of sick leave, it was as if I didn't exist. No-one called to see how I was and when I came into work for meetings with my manager, people looked right through me. At the same time, another colleague was ill with a brain tumour. He had his family around him to support him and many of my colleagues visited him on a regular basis before he sadly died. It may sound a bit like sour grapes but I was deeply upset by this as everyone at work knew I didn't have the support of my family and was trying to cope on my own. I'd known the guy with the tumour for nearly twenty years (which most people at work knew) but when he died they apparently drew lots in the office to decide who would tell me as no-one wanted that responsibility. Perhaps they thought this news would push me into a suicide attempt (they were aware I'd made at least a couple of attempts already), perhaps they just didn't want to talk to me as I was now "mad". Either way, I felt they didn't have much respect for me and it was clear that the people I'd thought were my friends were anything but.

Since I lost my job over 4 years ago, I've had plenty of time to reflect over what happened and I'm pretty sure that if people hadn't shut the door on me, I'd still be working. In the run up to my dismissal, I came across a great deal of prejudice and misconceptions. The greatest of this seemed to be if I harmed myself, I would more than likely be a danger to children. If only they had spoken to me, my colleagues would have realised that this wasn't true. Yes, I was self harming during the period that I was still able to teach but it was something that I did in private and I made every effort to hide my injuries from my students. Only once did a child ask about the scars on my arm and my explanation that I'd been in an accident was accepted.

Having read some of the reports that were passed on to my manager, it was clear that people were making their own minds up and often exaggerating things. One report said I'd come into the office with my arms "covered in blood", something that I wouldn't have done in front of my psychiatric nurse who was non-judgmental about my self harming. It's clear that ordinary people are very afraid of mental illness but it's not catching and you're not going to become mentally ill just by talking to me. Most mental health patients are not easy to spot probably because we're pretty much just like anyone else. Yes, we do have difficulty coping with things that other people find easy and at some time in their lives, 1/4 of the world will experience some form of mental distress.

Perhaps that statistic is what scares people, a case of "there but for the grace of god" or maybe it's just ignorance. The media doesn't help with its depiction of mental health sufferers as people who stop their medication and start attacking or killing people or headlines that emphasize the fact that someone who committed a crime had a mental illness. What we need to see is the ordinary side of people with mental health problems then maybe the rest of the world wouldn't run a mile. Perhaps then I could join groups and be comfortable telling them that I have a mental health problem. I'm fine with telling them about my physical conditions so I should be able to tell them about my mental conditions without fear of being rejected.